I THOUGHT

I thought  I am okay

I thought I am strong

 I thought I can forgive easily

I thought I can easily let go

I thought I am healed

I thought I have liberated myself from the past

I thought I can already move on.

I thought because I smile, I am okay

I thought because I am healthy, I am strong

I thought because I laughed, I am not in pain

I thought because I know how to love, I have already forgave

I thought because I let God, I have let go.

I thought because I live the present moment, I have already liberated from the past.

I thought because I dreamed, I have already move forward.

I thought because I can sing, I am already free.

But late have I realized I was mistaken.

Tears are falling down in my eyes in the middle of the night.

That I am already different from what I thought

That I am no longer Am of what I used to be.

There is something wrong…

I am not okay

I am not strong

I am hurt

I have not forgiven yet

I am not healed

I am still enslave from the memories of the past

And it is very difficult for me to move on…

But realizing these doesn’t mean I have to remain in these feelings forever. 

I need not to trust my own feelings because they are fooling me.

I need to take more time and understand my human nature.

And YES it takes time…

…it is a process to accept, to understand, and to let go.

It takes me courage, strength, perseverance and trust that everything will go and pass away.

Most importantly, it takes GOD to disturb me from my being ME.