Do not be afraid!

Why is it difficult for me to surrender to your will, O God?  Why did I do my way and not your way?  Why is it difficult for me to understand others?  What is lacking in me?  The answer to these questions cannot be found anywhere but within me.  It is not the WHAT that is lacking but the WHO – GOD.  Am I doing my personal relationship with Him and with others well enough?

Going back to the desert, to the inner desires, to the inner groaning of my heart, there is that voice from a proud heart that shouts "I don't like it anymore, but I am not at ease and happy with this answer.  For I do not do the good I want but I do the evil I do not want (Rom 7:18).  I wanted to do the things I like but I am called to surrender myself back to God, to strip myself from all pride and confusions.  Looking at myself in front of the mirror, I saw the fights between the child self, the adult self and the parent self within me.  It is sad to discover that I am not growing, that I am pampering my egoistic tendencies, my own selfish ambitions.  The adult within me finds it difficult to control and manage.  There is the need for me to stop and listen to my parent self who whispered in the silent corners of my heart telling me that's enough my child.  Let go and let God take over your life.  Grow and be happy.

         Hearing all these, I came back to my senses.  I noticed that the tears in my eyes and the heaviness in my heart have turned into joy and happiness of acceptance and forgiveness when I saw His pierced hand wiping my tears saying 

DO NOT BE AFRAID, IT IS I!

     Lord Jesus, I thank you for this beautiful grace of reminding me again that I don't have to be afraid because it is You who ruled over my life.  It is You who called me and it is You who loved me first .  For all of these "I put all my trust in You".